Chapter 7: The More the Merrier

  So Then, they started a business with no real experience. My house became the center for said business. Every day I have more crap in my yard and my garage. I have Nana invoked business quite hours and laundry that never seems to get from the washer to the dryer. Seriously, how could it now get any worse?

   I found out about the plot by hearing the mother-in-law talking to her son about making room in the basement. I turned towards the direction of the wife and informed her that it ain’t gonna happen.” This isn’t the Sanford ’s arms hotel.” I told her. I was assured that she would put a stop to this right now. Off she went in the direction of the troll’s room.

   About 10 minutes later Nana came up to me with a big smile. A cold chill ran down my back. Her story was that her son, whom we will refer to as The Great Loser or TGL and his Crack Whore Girlfriend or CWG had no money and no place to stay. I said no. No, no, no, no, no, no! The MIL then stormed off only to show back up later and give me a big hug.  I said “Let go of me.”  “The answer is still NO!”  Of with feet a stopmin’ again.  The wife reemerged and assured me that she told her mom no. I went about my business. 10 minutes later Nana was back and gave me a great big hug and said "you're the best son-in-law ever". I told her to get her hands off of me and the answer is still NO! Of she went again. I’m assuming she is going between me and the wife and looking for a weak spot so I figured I better put a stop to this and see the wife.  I asked her what was going on and she said that her mom kept asking and she kept saying that since I said no then the answer was no.  The MIL was hoping that I would think the wife gave her blessing and I would give in.  Unlike her screwed up marriage I actually talk to my wife and I do so without yelling and hitting (Note to my in-laws legal staff: This in no way implies any slander on my part as it does not state that the FIL hit the MIL and I’m sure that door she kept running into was soon padded for her safety.) We both stood our ground.

   While I was at work the vermin moved into my basement. I was promised that they would be there 2 days and when the sister-in-law (not the former psycho one) came back from a business trip she would let them move in. I said "bull sh!t". My wife called her sister and she said she had no idea what her mom was talking about and said she would talk to her husband. She called back and said that he told her that he would take the kids and leave her if they stepped foot on his property. Dammit, why didn't I think of that? I then reiterated my last answer of NO!!!!! Later that evening I noticed a funny looking box on my end table. I asked the wife what it was. She was stumped. A quick call to her mother enlightened us. Apparently, while on house arrest, you have a little box that tells the Po Po you’re being a good little criminal. TGL’s girlfriend was on house arrest and amazingly had everything transferred, within minutes, to my house. I had the wife call back to her mom who reassured us that they had no intentions of moving in until we said it was OK. I then screamed,” IT’S NOT FREAKIN’ OK, I WANT THEM OUT”. I called the probation office and discovered that 3 days prior she had gotten permission to move to my address. I informed them that she failed to get my permission to move in and I will be unplugging the box. I have no idea what their response was to that as I immediately hung up. I do however suspect that the box doesn’t work as I unplugged the fugger every time I found it plugged back up.