Chapter 5: The troll that lives under the stairs.

Apartment life was not for us. We longed for independence and room for our family and

A few barnyard friends.  Though I remember dreaming of a cabin on the lake my wife assured me that the farm life was my true dream.

We bought our (the wife’s) dream house out in the country on 5 acres and I finally had a basement to make into my man cave. The wife can have her cows and chickens and I’ll have my game room and home theater.  I hadn’t had the luxury of a space of my own since the last time we lived in Missouri and that space had turned into my mother-in-laws storage dump. I felt I had hit the jack pot as I now had not one but 2 spaces for my cars to park and a blank canvas basement to boot. My imagination ran rampant with the possibilities before me.

I just finished the first room with the help of my wife's sister's (the psycho one; she straightened up) husband. Nana came over and gave it thumbs up. I stood there with my jaw on the floor. "What the hell is going on" I asked. My helper/bro-in-law said "sorry dude, you’re taking one for the team".  I stood in the basement as the world moved around me.  Her stuff flowed in and she set up her little place and as I watched it all rush by I felt myself moving in slow motion and them going at light speed finishing up the final touches.  Nana has come home to roost.

As she has aged the only thing that has changed is my gray hair and her growing ability to bitch about anything that is related to me in any way.  The room was about 95% done and with the exception of the crown molding and a cover over the vent in the ceiling I had created the perfect mother-in-law suit without knowing it. After all, it couldn’t be a bedroom without a closet now could it.  Bitch number one was now on the list of things to do.

I cannot recall the exact words I used nor would they be appropriate to post but it roughly translated to “How long is this going to last and why should I build anything else?”.  The wife said “She has no place to go and you can still build your man cave, just with one less room.”  I do remember what I said next.  “B.S.  As soon as I get my next room built I will have another freeloader move in.”  That was 5 years ago and all that has changed in the basement is the amount of crap Nana has acquired while living for free in my basement.