The gathering.

So I come home and there are cars all over the driveway. It's my wife's birthday so the clan has arrived and I'm in for at least 3 days of hell. Well they were talking about the lotto being $500 million and my wife mentioned that she was going to buy $20 worth of tickets. One sister and the mother-in-law said they would throw in a few dollars and we can split it if we win. Now this part of the conversation perked my interest as I actually comprehend basic math and I'm rather sure $2 plus $2 does not equal half of the total cash input that this little venture will end up costing me. I cleared my throat and said "Y'all aren't getting half unless you are willing to put in equal amounts". Now I thought my statement was justified and I was willing to defend it so I awaited the first rebuttal. It came rather quickly when the mother-in-law said " If we win that much money does it really matter, I mean I would be happy with 1 million dollars". I said "Fine, if you put in $2 and we win you get 1 million dollars". Oddly that wasn't received well either. Then the mother-in-law said "What would you do with all that money anyway?" Now before I could answer she blurted out "I would buy 100 acres of land and we could all build houses on it and be close to each other". I spoke up and said "I need enough to buy the state of Montana". She looked at me and said "Why would you want to do that?" With a sh!ţ eating grin I said "So you would never find me again".


Then I got the "Just keep quiet till they leave please" look from the wife. Now somehow I'm the bad guy....AGAIN


 So now I'm hiding out in my bedroom watching the news when I hear all the laughter. Then the wife sends me a text "Get in here now". So I walk into the living room and they have youtube up on the TV and are watching a video of big fat folks dancing to "Sexy and I know it". It's so hideous that one of my nephews is actually hiding so he doesn't have to watch it. They are rolling on the floor and laughing like crazy. They look up at me to gauge my reaction but I just stare at the TV with a blank face and say "Oh, I see Nana found her home movies". The laughter stopped. TOUGH FREAKIN' CROWD AT MY PLACE TONIGHT. I think me and my boy are taking the convertible out for a spin for a while