So my BIL had to retake his PT test so he could stay in the
guard. Missed it by 24 seconds. Seems he's had some time to get ready since it
is mandatory and all. Apparently cigarettes and booze was more important than
running 2 miles a few times a week to get ready. We'll, Nana just left to go
comfort him so I have the house to myself. Oh wait, that's right. My sister in
law and her family are here. Why? Because they got their internet shut off, her
college paper is due and she is wasting time waiting for me to write it. Though
I can generally whip out a 2-3 page paper in an hour or so, I'm gonna let her
sweat this one out. I'll just sit here while her kids tear up the living room
and wait for me to feed them.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
We were shopping in a
mall and came across a kiosk that was selling cookies. My wife likes pecans and
as she was having a hard time deciding what cookie she wanted I pointed out
that they had pecan cookies. I myself didn’t want anything so I stood back as
she got in line to order. When she was done she handed the kids their cookies
and then gave me one; it was the pecan cookie that I had pointed out. I asked
if I was just holding it for her or what and she said “no, you asked for it.” I
explained that I was simply pointing it out to her, not for myself because I do
not like pecans. Well, the mall was busy and loud and she couldn’t hear me so I
raised my voice a bit and she said “No, you said you wanted it.” I then said,
loud enough so she could hear me over the other folks, I fking hate pecans. You
know that moment at the party when you have to yell to be heard but as soon as
you say something the whole place gets real quiet and you sound like a
screaming idiot? This was one of those moments. 200 people that day came to the
realization that I FKN HATE PECANS!, including Nana.
Back to the cake and
ice cream. Nana was enjoying her slice of cake and the cool ice cream treat
with a particularly sinister grin on her face. I had to choke down the vile
mixture of carrot cake and pecans so as not to hurt grandma’s feelings. The
gloves are off now Nana.
So after putting up with the MIL over Chriatmas she finally
went home............to discover that her house was robbed. Just left there
after 5 hrs of watching the cops go through an abandon apartment, arrest 3
hoodlums and have their mom call us honkies. I looked at her and said
"bless your heart, I haven't been called a honky since Carter was in
office". I thought I was being nice but apparently she didn't think so.
Hauled Nana's crap from her apartment yesterday. Windy as
hell so I was getting around 11 mpg towing her crap. Luckily it didn't cost her
a dime.
Nana lives about 90
miles away and her storage place is owned by her brother and is another 60
miles. I argued that it would be cheaper to rent one in the town she lives in
but it was already past noon on Saturday so we couldn't find a storage place
with the office still open. I was just ready to mover her **** and be done with
it. When we got to the apartment someone had put a note on the door. “smile for
Jesus”. Now the mother of the hoodlums that robbed her had spent hours
threatening us all the night before. The cops finally took her in but her roommate,
boyfriend, ex-con bailed her right out along with the kids. Seems they wanted
us to know that they were still around. As we started loading stuff up the crew
rolled in. Had to put someone on guard duty with the trailer. Soon cars were
coming and going at the neighbors place, each getting loaded with things in
bags and covered in sheets or blankets. Since the cops said they couldn't get a
warrant to search their apartment I'm guessing they were moving the stolen
stuff from all over the surrounding neighborhoods out. The only stolen things
the cops found were in the abandon side of their duplex. The kids were taken in
for trespassing in the abandon unit but will probably never be charged with the
theft. The gangstas had their own little
group stay outside playing some of the most vile rap songs they could find and
yelling crap like "rednecks" "white trailer trash" and
yes..."honkies" at us the whole time. After a while a truck pulled up
and a 6'4" coverall clad gentleman stepped out to great us. He owned one
of the duplexes that was robbed (the one in the background of the above
picture) and his daughter lived in one side. He looked like the one guy at the
bar that you knew to stay the hell away from if a fight started 'cause he has
no qualms about going to jail. This was the second time his daughters place was
broken into but the first time that he knew who did it. I envision some
interesting things happening in the near future.
What all didn't get
packed up and moved was put in the garage but as I told the M-I-L, they don't
want to steal any more of your ****, they will just bust in and destroy the
place.
Having 2 kids in high school and starting a new job means
limited free weekends to simply relax. Last weekend fell between show choir
events, work related issues and the required trips to the city because someone
has to have something because of a thing going on at a place and dad didn’t
hear about any of it till Sunday and it is needed for Monday; a free weekend to
do what I want, at last.
So I get home and the
wife’s car is packed and the kids are fighting over whose stuff is crossing
that imaginary line in the back seat. Seems I forgot that this was the weekend
to go in-law visiting. So I change and we hop in and off we go; 3 hours of
phone calls asking “Where are you guys at now, why is it taking you so long” in
15 minute increments. I long for the simple days of “Are we there yet?” but
alas those days have been replaced with “How long do we have to stay?”
We arrive just in time for some of Grandma’s fixins’ Now, in
all fairness my wife’s grandparents have always treated me like family and I
mean that in a good way. They may fuss and argue about the same issues most
grandparents do: “Your kids are on the computer too much, they should be
outside playing” (4 degrees out and it is night) or “You’re lucky your parents
let you get away with (insert meaningless act here) because my kids never did”
but all in all they are good folks. But this wouldn’t be much of a story if all
we had to deal with was the grandparents, now would it. The repeated phone
calls on the way there were from Nana. Seems we are required to maintain
constant contact so our arrival can be met by her to insure that the visit will
have zero chances of being peaceful. This particular trip had 2 items on the
itinerary that I was not privy to. Since it was already evening time I decided
to turn in early as to avoid the meaningless poor, poor miserable me talk so
any clue as to what was in store and the planning process would remain a
mystery.
Upon my awakening I
am met with the smell of breakfast cooking. I walk in and see both kids staying
out of harm’s way watching YouTube videos and vines. They are safe as long as
they remain in their separated state and do not enter into any exchange with
anyone else. I on the other hand made the mistake of waking up. I’m first hit
with itinerary 1, “We are going to the casino, do you want to go?” from Nana.
Now it is a well-known fast in the family that I despise gambling. I don’t care
if people do, I just can’t stand any part of it. So I declined and said I will
keep grandma company and keep the kids in line. Then the question of who is
driving the hour and a half to the boats came up. Nana was first out of the
gate with “My car has stuff all in it and I need gas so I can’t drive.” My wife
chimed in “OK, I’ll drive buy you pay for half my gas then.” Well that didn’t
go over well and Nana quickly responded with “I don’t have the extra money.”
(Seems asking for someone to pay for their share of fuel to take them somewhere
is only acceptable when Nana has to be inconvenienced) I started to raise the
question about the logic of gambling when you don’t even have gas money but I
needed the 5 or 6 hours of peace and quiet so I kept my mouth shut.
Later that afternoon
the gamblers came strutting back in. Nana had won $40 and my wife $200. I asked
them how much it cost to win that but of course they gave me the “what do you
mean” look. I learned a long time ago that it sometimes takes $50, $100 or more
to win $25 because they seem to forget how much they pumped into the machines
over time before that big payoff. I guess it’s their way to justify tossing
their cash away. Anyway, I said “Guess you can afford to pay for half the gas
now.” Woops. OK, seriously, how does saying that make me rude? She didn’t have
enough, now she does, PAY FOR GAS! Well, I let the hostilities towards me and
my comment die down as supper was almost ready and it was grandma’s lasagna; I
didn’t want to ruin a good meal.
After we ate I went
into the living room whilst the ladies schemed and planned. I was called back
in and there was a cake with candles and some ice cream. Since we don’t get to
the wife’s grandparents on birthdays she will do this if someone’s birthday was
around the time when we do show up. So I blow the candles out and cut a piece
of carrot cake; I like grandma’s carrot cake. Seems this year Nana had
suggested an extra ingredient though. Pecans in the cake and the ice cream was
butter pecan. Now to most folks this would sound like Nana was being nice; let
me go back a few years and explain how she wasn’t.
Some people piss me the f#@k off. I was at the Commissary and
bought some Mac and cheese. They had coupons worth a dollar off 2. Every other
box had a coupon but the boxes were mixed up and I didn't have enough coupons.
I walk over to the display and pull a few coupons off of some of the boxes. My
thought was since I obviously had more boxes with no coupons, the display would
now have more boxes with coupons and by me removing them it would equal out. It
was that or swap my non-coupon boxes for the coupon boxes. Well as I was doing
so this guy starts talking to his imaginary friend about how I'm making it
impossible for anyone else to but this Mac and cheese on sale. He made sure to
say it loud enough for all to hear. I stood, turned around and said " I
have bought the Mac and cheese but I got more boxes without coupons than I did
with coupons, don't worry there is still one coupon for every two boxes"
then I walked back to the register. Then the guy started talking crap again
about how I'm screwing other shoppers. The cashier couldn't help but shake his
head and the bagger chuckled a bit but I had enough of this ass wipe. I turned
to him as he stood in the line across from me and said "You got a problem
with me?" He turned away. I felt the loving tap of my wifes shoe as it
slammed into my shin but I wasn't done. "You do realize that every other
box has a coupon and I bought more non coupon boxes than coupon boxes."
"By removing some of the coupons from the now extra boxes with coupons I
have simply corrected the imbalance." "Perhaps common sense is not
your strong point so before you start calling anyone out maybe you should ask
someone who can comprehend a little logic if you should open your mouth."
By this time the wife had me by the arm and was escorting me out of the
building. She said I was mean, I say if you are going to start talking ****,
know what you are talking about or be ready to take an ass chewing. BTW: I'll need
some recipes for Mac and cheese. I bought 72 boxes. It was a real good sale
Sat in on the trial about a month ago. Crack Whore Betty
threw an object at the MIL and hit her then tried to flee. The cop that showed
up took her statement and she confessed yet she claimed she didn't do it in
court. We weren't sure how CWB could actually afford a lawyer. Just before the
case was called CWB was standing outside the courtroom with her layer when I
was heading to the restroom. They were all giggly like two teenagers who
slipped away from the watchful eyes of their parents. Now we know, the barter
system.
She was found guilty
and has to take anger management classes and is on one year probation. The last
time she was on probation she kept peeing dirty yet her PO never did anything
about it. Hmmmmm. We are hoping the new PO will be a gal.
I just got home and what is in my email? A 6 page paper from
my sister-in-law for one of her classes. She asked me to just "look it
over." I did, it sucked. She claimed the professor is mean. I think he
just likes reading papers in English. These are direct quote from the paper.
In 1879, Louis Pasteur, who used the blood of a woman who
had puerperal fever to isolate the organism which is now.
Rebecca Lancefield who developed a means of differentiating
and classifying hemolytic streptococci into groups.
Add the numerous
sentences that start with "the" (no capitalization), "So",
"And" as well as failing to spell out any numbers and we have the
makings of a strong F.
Well my Engrish professor may be a hard core liberal but he
has a sense of humor.
A fun exercise to
kill the last 20 minutes of a 2 hour class. He said "Try and write A Paper
on any subject you like." "Go for 3 pages" "Brainstorm some
ideas and tie them all in." "Have fun with it."
I was the only one to
get it done and I did it in less than 3 minutes.
A Paper is a wondrous thing: thoughts, emotions are the
things it can bring.
From my mind thoughts
will spring. I write them down before the bell can ring.
But sometimes I find
that paper is too long. I try to fill it with thought or song.
Maybe I could just
string you along. I don't know, is that so wrong?
I have so much more
that I need to write. I wish I could just do it tonight.
I'm starting to feel
a bit of fright, but if I try I just might.
Can't wait till I'm
done, I can say “Look what I did.”I accomplished your task, I accomplished your
bid.
How did I do it? How
did it work?
I
CHANGED
THE
FONT
SIZE
YOU
FLIPPIN'
JERK! At font size 96 for the larger text it comes in just
at 3 pages even. Somehow I'm still getting A's in this class.
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