The wife gets a call on Monday morning; seems Nana has hurt her leg and no one will take her to the hospital. The wife calls me to let me know she is driving the near 200 mile round trip to get limpzilla to the ER. I asked “Why doesn’t she just call for an ambulance?” No real answer for that bit of advice. Well, I get back to work and forget about the problem; that is until I get an email. Seems I must pick up my twin nephews when they get out of school.* I had to ask the obvious question, “Why can’t your sister do it?” Well, it seems that the S-I-L went with the wife. That, in turn, brought up the next question. Why does it take two of you to drive her to the ER? I was all ready to answer my own question with a snide remark about Nana’s weight and the need for a 2 person transfer when the next email came in. Seems Sunday night Nana tried to do the splits, with flip flops on and flopped instead of flipped. One leg went forward; the other went back and did a Theismann.* I emailed back and asked why the hell she didn’t go to the ER last night.* Seems Nana was going to rest her leg and see if it felt better the next day. Now, how the hell do you even begin to think that a compound fracture will “fell better in the morning?” Since we were emailing back and forth I decided to ask another obvious question. Why can’t the twins ride the bus to our house? Seems that they don’t like riding the bus. I informed the wife( to inform the S-I-L) that I would be waiting for them to get off the bus. If they were still at school after the bus left, they needed to start walking their 3rd*grade butts 10 miles north then turn left; I’d be waiting on the porch.

 

I get home about 30 minutes before the twins should be let off the bus, get me an ice tea and plop my fat ass on the front porch bench. After a while I see the bus stop across the street, let the neighbor kids off, back into my yard, and miss my mailbox (for a change) then leave. “Huh”, I thought, guess they are walking. I take another sip of tea and call the dogs to come into the house. It was TV time. Just then the phone rang. “Are my kids there yet?” I was asked. “Nope” I said. “Did the bus show up?” she screamed. “Yep, then it left without dropping the twins off.”* “Well where are they then?” she asked, ever so politely. “How the hell am I supposed to know?” “I’m guessing at least 2 miles closet towards my place if they are walking.”* Not the thing to tell a nervous mom I guess. She hung up to call the school. I knew one of three things could happen that afternoon. 1, they get on the bus and are dropped off at my place. Well that was a no. 2, they missed the bus and were still at school. Knowing that the school would call her to let her know they missed the bus, I was betting that wasn’t the answer either. That leaves option 3. They got on their normal bus and got dropped off at their own house. I had my keys in hand and was walking to the truck to go pick them up when the phone rang again. “THE BUS DRIVER DROPPED THEM OFF AT MY HOUSE……..ALL BY THEMSELVES!” “Yea, I’m already on my way” I said. “Well, if you knew they were at my house why didn’t you say so?” “How would that have been funny” I said. Now, if you knew my nephews you would understand why I call them Hell and ‘Yun. If a stranger, a mad dog or a bear had come after them while they were “all alone” at their house I would have found a guy tied up, a dog that was now playing fetch with them or a bear hanging from the tree, partly gutted. These are country kids through and through. So off I go to retrieve the lost kiddies and save them from their mom’s paranoia. After we get back to my house my son takes them outside to play until their mom gets home, saving the inside of my house.

 Well, the wife and S-I-L made it back around*6 pm. I had made supper (Dead Johnny streaks, fresh green beans, mashed taters with homemade gravy, corn and bread) but not enough to feed the horde that had descended upon my house (S-I-L had her youngest with her). As we waited paitently for them to leave, the S-I-L opened up her laptop and began getting on facebook, while telling us she needed to use our WiFi to do her homework. As 4 pairs of eyes rolled, I asked the obvious question, “What assignment do you need me to do?” “Oh, you could help me with Bla Bla class” she said. So after an hour of writing her paper and responding to post made my other students, she decided it was time to go home, but she didn’t know what they were having for supper. I said “I know what I’m having” got up and went into the kitchen. So ended day 1.