Time to catch up.

 My daughter's boyfriend returned from a school trip yesterday. He was gone

 for 4 days and upon his arrival home he made several discoveries.

 Apparently his brother had spent the weekend playing his Xbox and broke

 several of his discs and scratched some of the others. His little sister

 moved into his room the night he left and wet in his bed. She also wanted

 to have their 2 new puppies spend the night with her but forgot to let them

 out when she went to school. So he comes home to the Xbox he paid for in his brother's room

broken and a room filled with pee and poop. What did his loving dad say? "Them chores

 didn't do themselves while you were having fun." So he spends the rest of

 Sunday evening doing chores, cleaning the crap out of his room and washing

 his sheets. As my daughter tells me about her boyfriend’s woes I stop her

 for a moment. "Think about what you are saying." She looked at me

 puzzled. "Replace your boyfriend with your mom and me with you" I told

 her. She thought for a second and I could see that little light begin to

 glow. "There are many things in life we have no control over but picking

 our in-laws is one that you can and if Nana and her brood have taught us

 anything it is that picking the right in-laws is very, very important."

 On a side note,

 My other brother-in-law (the good one) just bought a supercharger for a chebby truck he's working on. He was telling me all about it and his plans for the truck. I said "really, where did you get the money for that?" Seems he sold some parts and did some trading. I asked the wife "WTF, he gets cash to buy a supercharger yet they owe me 2 large for her college." Well it seems the wife's sister didn't tell him that they owed us money. As my sister-in-law put it "My husband would refuse the help". See that's one reason he is my favorite brother-in-law.  In all fairness she is paying me back with a payroll allotment of $100 a month.

 As for releasing the lien: I can't do anything until he titles it but then neither can he. If he had half a brain he would have the guy he bought it from get him another title for it then license it and sell it without my lien on it but that takes brains and the $$$ to pay your taxes.

Apparently I am getting all A's in a particular college class right now. My sister-in-law asked me to look over her paper a few weeks back. Now she's emailing me her work to "Look over". I emailed her back and said "Dis' be whyz I not goes to Mizzuri Publik Scoolz", gave her the rewritten paper and told her to tell me how I did on it. The wife said "That's nice of you helping her out with her work". I told her it will be even nicer when she turns in her next paper and it is total garbage. I'm sure her professor will figure it out real soon.

Ohhhhh where are we now.

 Page 1.

 It seems that the wife listed us as lien holder on the title to the B-I-L’s POS. He called to see if he could get it released so he can sell the car for scrap. I looked at the wife and said “No, if anyone is getting scrap money for that thing it is me”. The wife shook her head “No it isn’t”. “Why not” I asked. “Because the title is still in the sellers name.” It seems that the B-I-L hasn’t paid his taxes in a while and cannot register anything so he has been running on someone else’s plates for a year. I hold a lien on a POS that still belongs to someone else’s as far as the state is concerned. That figures.

 

 Page 2,

 Since the B-I-L has no job and no car he decided to start driving the M-I-L’s car. Now the troll has moved to Columbia Mo. (if you are from the Columbia / Ashland area let me know and I’ll tell you what she drives) so she has to come over here, drop off her car then bum a ride back. She looked at me and said “I’m his mother, what would you do?” By the hatred that followed my answer must have been wrong. I suggested post pregnancy abortion.

 Page 3.

 I was looking online at cars. I think I’ve decided to buy the wife something new and let my daughter drive the tank. The M-I-L asked “Whatchadoin’?”. I said “I’m thinking of buying your daughter a new car”. She looked at the page I was on and said “Which one?” I said “I’ll start with your oldest daughter and keep buying till I’m broke.” She said “No, which car.” “I didn’t think you would by your sister-in-laws a car”. “Odd, you expected me to buy your son a car” I told her. Again, somehow I’m the azzhole.

 Page 4.

 Yesterday we were burning old hay and working around the yard. The M-I-L (sitting on a bench) asked “What are you going to do with the Trans Am when you buy your wife a new car?” I looked at her and as seriously as possible said “I’m giving it to your son.” Her face started to glow. Then I finished my sentence “As soon as he buys the car dealership that sells the car I will be trading it in on for your daughter.” Extinguished that glow real quick like.

 Page 5.

 So after cleaning up stuff (that didn’t matter last week) outside we moved into the house where the kids were put to work cleaning. I said “OK, who is coming?” The wife says “I told you, my great aunt will be here with my grandparents tomorrow.” Well I would argue that she failed to tell me but I would lose as it is 2 against 1 and let’s face it, the husband will usually lose (one way or another) with these types of arguments. I decided to just be facetious and asked “Is this the aunt that drove drunk from Florida to Georgia to see our new baby girl and managed to drive through a ditch and parked on top of my geraniums?” “Is this the same lady that came to your great grandmother’s funeral and fell on top of our daughter as she was to drunk to even sit up straight?” “Is this the same……..” That was as far as I made it. In all fairness she is a sweet lady but she will kill someone someday but they keep turning a blind eye.

So Friday we dropped off the radiator at the apartment where he is squatting. It seems that it was also his birthday so the wife bought him a present; a set of tools. Now the wife has her own money and when she buys presents and such I usually don't give a ratsazz but as I saw this set of tools arise from the back of her Durango I had to ask WTF. "So why is it when I get a birthday present it's something cheesy yet he gets a friggin' set of tools?" The wife looks at me and says "You already have a set of tools in that box in the back of the shed." Well I'll be a SOB. Women are a sly species ain't they.

 

 The radiator swap went well it seems but the the M-I-L calls to "chat" with the wife. These "chats" are just her way of letting us know what we need to waste money on next. It seems now that the radiator is fixed we are on to the next issue. at least 1 head gasket is blown. The wife kindly informed her that we were done with the matter and hung up the phone. I looked at her and she says "What?". "How many times have I heard that phrase?" I asked. She then asked how much head gaskets cost for a 5.2l Dodge. I said "That depends". "Is it one or both heads, is/are the heads warped, will he be doing this task all by himself, does he even know the torque spec's......." It was about at this point the wife stopped me. "I get it" she said.

 

 Now the B-I-L has a vehicle that I bought, he blew up, I paid $100 in parts and still doesn't run. What happens next? Well let's just say my Trans-Am keys are now in my pocket.

So the new radiator just showed up. Snoop dummy dumb said he can put it in all by his wittle self. I told the wife that was his code for "I will screw this up royally". Well he called the wife and asked if we had the tools to swap radiators out. I looked at the wife and said "I thought Mr. Good wrench had this covered". The wife asked if he could borrow mine.

 Years ago I learned a valuable lesson in life. When you get a shiny new tool don't show it off. Ohh it will be tempting but as soon as you do people will start pestering the crap out of you to borrow it. I came up with a fix to the problem.

 The wife and I went to the shed. I showed her my little tool box filled with rusty sockets and broken ratchets, a few crescent wrenches and assorted crap. "See hun, all my tools are missing or crap, I can't help him". Now tucked away in the back of the shed I have a second tool box. The one that sits in the cardboard box marked Hot Rod 1978-1992. As my wife has no real interest in anything automotive (she is a Dodge owner after all) it is one place she will never venture and my collection of tools stays safe from the B-I-L.

 The phone call came to an end at about this point. The wife turned to me and asked “So are you going to?” I said “Yes to scratching myself but I can’t seem to find any John Wayne movies on”. She said “You know what I mean”. I said “Do you feel like working on the apartment?” She said “No”. I said OK, let’s get some food together for your brother then I will surprise you”. We show up at the apartment and my wife hands him a bag with lima beans, a box of apple stovetop stuffing (who the hell thought that was a good combo) and a box of generic frosted flakes. When I was packing the bag my wife asked “No milk?” I said “How would that be funny?” She said it seemed a little mean. I had to inform her that I ate dry cereal on many occasion and once had Mac and Cheese for 2 weeks straight because it was on sale and I needed money to pay bills. “He will live.” I told her. She told her brother we couldn’t stay because I was taking the family somewhere but wouldn’t tell them. I said “Oh, I thought we could go to Golden Corral”. I put the truck in drive and off we go. My son asked if we were not going to take uncle deadbeat. I said “With all the food he has at his place?” “No, he’s good”.

The first ignored mother-in-law call to the wife’s cell phone took about 3 minutes. She was getting calls till she turned it off at 9 last night. I’m sure there is something on Face (Share with strangers your dirty laundry) Book.

So I'm trying to relax after work. Got supper almost done and the kids had finished pestering me and were now bugging the crap out of each other. Then the phone rings. Seems the BIL's vehicle broke down. So supper goes on the back burner and the wife and I load up to rescue him.

 Seems he has been having a bit of an overheating issue as of late. He fills it up before he leaves then again on his way back home only this time he forgot to fill it back up. When I say fills it up I mean completely from empty.

 We get to where he is at and he pops the hood. He has a crack running up the radiator starting at the lower hose. I had 3 gallons of water with me so we filled it up. As we did I asked if he stopped because it was getting hot or did it overheat and shut down on him. He said "It started to knock real loud". "Do you think I screwed it up". Ohhhhh no, not at all. He gets in and starts it and it sounds like someone is hitting the motor with a sledge hammer. My wife asks "Is it supposed to do that?" "Yes, yes it is" I said and walked away. Seems my sarcasm was not appreciated. So dumb arse puts it in gear and off he goes. I get in and drive the 7 miles home and low and behold there he is in the driveway. Seems the wife invited him for dinner. Why not.

 I'm sure a new radiator will be on my shopping list